i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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