Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
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