ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
