i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
that may or may not have been my penis.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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