she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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