i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I can't turn off my feet"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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