apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Randomize
