my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
