You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
