I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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