Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
She even gives head with a lisp.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
