I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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