My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
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