Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
