I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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