the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
