Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize