Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
you had me at cake vodka
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
