Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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