anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
