I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
