dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
