k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
