What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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