Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
