Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
