Your tits are I can't wait for
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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