I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
