Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
