How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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