Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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