Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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