You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
