Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
