I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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