Me. At least after what I've been through.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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