He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
