12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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