I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
be right there i have to get my cape
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
