i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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