I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
