Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
