Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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