Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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