She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize