I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Say something about gay babies.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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