turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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