why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Congratulations! We have a period
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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