Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
