apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
