i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
