had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Your cock deserves a montage
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
