its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
