I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
