That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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