My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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