singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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