I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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