Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Randomize
