Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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