thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize