Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
