Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
