So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
