I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
