just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize