It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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